Chronicles of The Self-Insert
by Detinc
Summary: The Occuria have been Man's puppeteers for far too long. With Vayne Solidor and Venat going about this all wrong, Hydaelyn sends Victoria Dhane and I - Her player - to smooth this along. Except this is like taking away a toddler's toys, and this toddler has powers on par with a god.


Chronicles of the Self-Insert

* * *

Chapter One

"How the hell are you keeping cool like that?"

We're in the middle of the desert – the Dalmasca Eastersand I believe, judging by what I remember of Final Fantasy 12, and the riverside village behind us – and Victoria, my Mi'qote character from Final Fantasy 14, was trudging ahead of me. Okay, Maybe a little bit of an explanation is needed.

You see, I was getting ready to go to bed at my tiny little studio, and wake up the next morning to get started on my weekend. Except I didn't wake up in my tiny apartment. I woke up in the desert. It was muggy, hot, and I had sand in my pajamas. Already I wasn't in a good mood. Good news! I woke up near that riverside camp-village-whatever the ferries you across the river at some point in the game.

You know what? This is going to take too long. To summarize: Hydaelyn sent Victoria to Ivalice sometime in the Final Fantasy 12 timeline, because the Occuria may try to meddle with events in Eorzea.

Don't know how. All I only had just completed the Rabanastre raid in FF14, and I was at the point that you had to chase down Montblanc. All I can think of is if FF14 and FF12 are technically in the same world, then shit happened sometime between the two installments.

Okay, now as to why _I_ am here, it's because I, as Victoria's player in the video game, have access to certain skills and abilities that will boost her own abilities. I _really_ don't know how I'm going to do that. I honestly am kinda weirded out by the fact that Hydaelyn managed to reach into the real world – ahem, _my_ world and plop me in to Ivalice, but she couldn't manage to clothe me in something actually desert-worthy.

No, I had to ask Victoria to cover the cost of buying some clothes from the trader in the village. Thank God her gil was the same kind of gil that Ivalice uses. But at the same time, I kinda was embarrassed that I couldn't cover for myself. It stung what little pride I had as a Man. Back to the question I asked her before my spiel...

"..."

"A spell you learned from the Thaumaturge's Guild in Ul'Dah? Pretty useful." And it was, given the fact that she was still wearing the High House Bustle Glamour over her armor. Half of the problem with the desert is dehydration, heat-stroke, and of the such. It also gives priority of the water supply to me.

"...?"

"I'm not sure if I can learn magic. Or magick for that matter."

"... …...?"

"Magic is make-believe where I am from, remember? I honestly don't know how people perform magic here."

"...?"

"It's not that simple. This is no longer a video game. I can't just cast a spell like _Fire_. I don't know what goes into it."

"!"

"Huh? What is it?" I mean, with that exclamation, she must have forgotten something. She had reached into her pouch. You know, the one magicked to hold her entire inventory. Like a Bag of Holding.

Which... she pulled another pouch identical to her own, and handed it to me. I raised an eyebrow. Was it supposed to be mine? I took it from her, and reached into it to pull out my smartphone. Seriously? Are we pulling an _Isekai_ now? Why would you EVER want to emulate a show where the main character has the motivation of a fat cat? The concept of the series was interesting, but it was ultimately ruined by how over-powered the main character became. Enough. I turned on my phone, and my home screen turned up.

"Some of my apps are gone. All of my games except my single-player ones. I have internet, texting, and the phone app. I also have my weather widget, and... Seriously? _Ivalice Maps_? Isn't that copyright infringement?"

Victoria just shrugged with me. I then noticed something else about my phone. I flipped it over and over. It looked brand new. The scuff marks on the back were gone, and the volume buttons were switched with a dial, like the one found on old portable CD players. It had an image on it. A sword.

I pressed the dial in.

 **Snk!**

Victoria and I flinched back in surprise as my phone became a sword in a flash of light. I nearly dropped it as gravity reasserted itself, making the sword feel a good fifteen pounds. I shook off my surprise.

"Well that's useful," I said. Victoria nodded with me. The dial was just above where my thumb gripped the handle. I pressed it, and in another flash of light, my phone rested back in my hand. I turned on the map function, and it popped up the Estersand.

"Come one, Rabanastre is not too far from here."

* * *

"Okaaay..." I drawled as I sat at a secluded table at the Sandsea. Victoria slid into the chair across from me and leaned in, rubbing at the glamour she had cast over her Mi'qote features. I glared at her.

"Stop it, you're going to attract attention rubbing at something that isn't there," I admonished. She pouted a bit before bringing an intense stare to me. I coughed into my hand.

"Right, so judging by that commotion by the gate when we came into town, I do believe I know what point of the story we're at."

Victoria raised an eyebrow at me, skeptical at my admission. I smiled, "Remember the blue bangaa at the entrance distracting the guards? That's Migelo; Vaan, the main character of the story, and Penelo's guardian. In exchange of taking care of orphans, he has them work in his item shop. He was distracting the guards so Penelo could get him back into the city. Which also means he only _just_ did his first hunting mark. That means we're at the beginning of the story. Vaan has yet to get the sunstone from the nomads in Giza Plains, and charge the Crescent Stone he receives from Old Dalan in Lowtown."

I eyed Victoria to make sure she was keeping up with me. She motioned for me to continue. "What I think we should do is head down into the Garamsythe Waterway early. The Firemane is somewhere down there. If we defeat it and take a spoil from it, not only could we get an in with Clan Centurio – A hunting guild with considerable resource – but it just might keep Vaan and the others out of the Nalbina Dungeons when they get caught by the Imperials later."

I crossed my arms and furrowed my brow. Victoria gave me a confused look at my change of attitude.

"The only problem is, is that by _being_ caught, and in trying to escape, they find Basch fon Rosenburg, _supposedly_ executed after _supposedly_ murdering the king of Dalmasca, Raminas."

I smiled as Victoria caught on to what I was saying.

"In order to escape, they had to discretely follow one of the elite guard of the royalty of Archadia, a Judge. The way out was guarded by a magicked door that they couldn't unlock. Behind that door was Basch. And why had the Judge come to visit a supposed dead man?"

I leaned in closer to her face, and whispered; _"Because that Judge was non-other than Noah_ fon Rosenburg, _the identical twin brother of Basch."_

Victoria's jaw dropped a little as the pieces fell in place. A body double, loyal to Archadia. Like something out of a dramatic theater production.

"Whelp," I push myself away from the table and stand up, "I am going to go into Lowtown and get us into the Waterway. Head to Migelo's – it's just south of here, before you reach the square – and pick up some potions and ethers. I'll test out the call function on my phone later. If I can't reach you, meet me back here."

* * *

Victoria nodded before getting up and walking out. I followed her out and headed north to the nearest entrance to Lowtown. It was also the closest one to the entrance into the Garamsythe Waterway. Now, Lowtown, as one could tell from the game, is meant to be the slums and the ghetto of Rabanastre. Given how dark it is, one wrong turn down an alleyway could lead you to getting mugged. Or worse.

Luckily, I was keeping to the main areas as I headed to the building that held access to the waterways. With the noise level of the crowd, the worse I would encounter is maybe a pickpocket. As I passed by a seeq, I had to keep my surprise to myself. Contrary to my beliefs from the game, the seeq, despite their usually sloppy appearance, didn't actually act sloppy. I didn't want to offend anyone, so I carried on.

I wonder if moogles were as cuddly as they seemed?

It was locked. The door to the part of the Garamsythe that Vaan practices in was locked, and I didn't have anything to pick the lock with. I really should've expected this, given Vaan makes sure Kytes keeps it locked up to avoid getting caught. I sighed and took out my phone. My normal contacts list was replaced with Victoria's single entry, and when I tapped it, it started to call her.

How would this work anyways? Would she look like she was talking to herself? Maybe through a link pearl from her world? Ah, she picked up.

"Hey, ran into a complication; the door to the waterway is locked, and I don't have a key or anything to open it up. Also, How did you pick up the call?"

"Well that's convenient. Are you still at Migelo's?"

"No? No, no, that's fine. I'm pretty sure someone around here has a few nails they'll part with for a few gil."

"Huh? No, I picked some off of the wolves we fought outside the city. You know, I never actually expected enemies to just... drop the items like that. There's rarely a need for any sort of huntsmen skill."

"Take your time. I'll just wait here and check out my phone for a bit."

I hung up, and began surfing my apps a bit more thoroughly than when I first did it outside the city.

* * *

 **So... How was it? For my first official entry into Fanfiction (I used to have other posts, but when I reviewed them on my own a few years back, I realized how sloppy and basic they were. So I took them down.), I hoped it meets expectations.**

 **I'm trying to avoid becoming a "Fix-it" fic, or a "Tag-a-long" (Either of which I despise reading myself, as they lack conflict and become boring). That means I'm not going to have Victoria and I fly to Bhujerba with the rest of everyone.**

 **My only disappointment is how short this chapter is for how long I have worked on it (About a total of 16 hours, for only 1764 words...). And I am also currently replaying the game (Thank god for the speed boost button in TZA) to brush up on my lore and storyline.**

 **So don't expect too many updates soon. I do have a life outside of this.**

 **Thanks for reading! Please review and give suggestions. Flames will be donated to the kitchen I work in.**

 **-Detinc**


End file.
